“Couldn’t win an egg cup, let alone the Ashes” - Batting legend tears into England as they go 2-0 down in Ashes 2025-26

Former England batter Geoffrey Boycott came up with a blunt reply after the Ben Stokes-led side lost the second Ashes Test against Australia by eight wickets in Brisbane to trail 0-2 behind in the five-match series. The 85-year-old pointed out that the tourists were no match for the Aussies in all three facets of the game.

Boycott stressed that England have placed themselves in a tricky situation after six days of action in the Ashes, with the first and second Ashes Tests finishing within two and four days, respectively. The veteran added that the Brendan McCullum-coached side is only good at speaking, not at producing results.

England failed to challenge the Aussies, getting bundled out for 334 and 241 in their two innings. The Steve Smith-led Australia posted 511 in their first innings before chasing down 65 with eight wickets in hand. The visitors lost the first Test in Perth by the same margin of eight wickets.

Boycott wrote in his column for The Telegraph (via News 18):

“Brisbane was a horror show: irresponsible batting, bowling too short, too wide or too full, and catches dropped. This Australian team was there to be beaten, but somehow, after just six days of Ashes cricket, England need a miracle. England talk the talk but can’t walk the walk. With this sort of batting and bowling, they couldn’t win an egg cup, let alone the Ashes urn.”

Calling Ben Stokes' blueprint bullshit, the legendary batter didn’t hold back, pointing fingers at the skipper for not living up to his promises over the last four years. He continued:

“Ben Stokes said England had a blueprint. They had been planning this tour for four years and know what they are doing. What a load of bulls—. We can’t believe anything Ben or his team say. None of them want to listen to anyone outside of their own camp.”

Boycott was equally miffed at Ben Stokes and Co. for playing only one warm-up game (intra-squad match). He further slammed the senior players for ignoring the pink-ball match between England XI and Prime Minister XI in Canberra ahead of the day-night Test. He concluded:

“They are up their own backsides convinced that Test cricket has changed so much that only they know anything about the modern game… One of the problems with this squad is it appears nobody tells them off or sits them down and discusses what they could or should have done differently. All we ever hear from the captain is attack, and from the coach, keep the faith.”

“But what do I know? I am just a has-been who did four England tours of Australia, winning two Ashes series and drawing the other two. This lot aren’t even afraid of getting dropped, which is why we see the same old failings, particularly in the batting,” he added.

“We trained too much” – England head coach reacts to second Ashes Test loss

England head coach Brendon McCullum claimed that the team underwent intense training sessions ahead of the second Test, which cost them the Test match. He said (via BBC):

“We had five intense training sessions leading into this game. Sometimes there is a tendency to overdo things to make up for it. If anything, we trained too much. As we all know, in this game, it is played in the top two inches.”

The third Ashes Test will be played in Adelaide from December 17. Notably, England have not won a single Test in Australia since their 3-1 win in 2010/11.